I began this journey with knowing nothing about pregnancy, babies, or being a mama. This one’s little spirit has offered us many signs the past few years that she was going to incarnate through us, but we were still surprised when she actually did!
We are still in the process of transforming this 100 year old home into “livable” status. But she has been waiting for a long time, and must have decided that since we replaced the roof, we were ready enough.
Before we conceived I had visions of launching this business, but when I found out I was pregnant I dropped all of these hopes. I went through darkness and grief. I was terrified about loosing my independence and my dreams along with it. I was devastated, feeling as though I would be unable to create this work in the world with my energy now centered around this being, (which of course is its own incredibly magical journey).
Looking back now, I realized it was a death I endured. This was the winter, I felt desolate. Then the Crocus flowers appeared helping to pull me out of the Underworld. New inspiration was arriving. Then came a dream with Hyacinths offering the strength to create this mama owned business I was about to embark on.
All of the flowers began to emerge and I felt as though I was coming back to life as well. The daffodils adding new perspective of welcoming this child into the world and reconnecting with my own joyful childlike self. But I was yet to fully emerge into my power.
I had a dream that I was walking in our forest up by our Spring and a huge Hawk flew in catching a Cardinal into her mouth. This cardinal weighed down the hawk and the hawk was falling through the air. Eventually the hawk caught a wind current and flew up above the cliffs. In waking life I went to this spot in our forest, and a deer was there where the Hawk was flying. This is a very rare sighting to encounter in our forest.
I sat up there in the forest asking why I was brought to this spot. I look over and see the Wild Dwarf Iris’ almost waving to say hello. I head over to them and feel their excitement that I had listened and arrived. While sitting with them I felt the energies of Mary and Mary Magdalene, a pureness that transitions us from maiden into motherhood. They shared with me at this moment how I am connected with the flowers and it is my sacred gift to share their energy and messages with the world. I felt this truth completely and intimately within my body. For the first time I felt a real sense of empowerment and confidence in my gifts and sacred work. I was transitioning into a mother in more ways than one.
Since then I created and launched Plantasia Vibrational Medicine with the help of others along the way, including being offered to vend and teach at the Goldenrod Gathering in Kentucky. I was in my second trimester and feeling the superpowers of this time. It felt amazing to have a space to express, create, and offer these magical medicines out into the world. My spirit felt happy, and I knew my little one growing inside would also know the magic of communicating with plant spirits.
Around this time I was feeling more apprehensive of the midwives that were going to be at my birth. They worked on a very medical level. They were not able to reach the emotional and spiritual connection that was imperative to me to have with the humans that would attend one of the most sacred, and initiating moments of my life. I felt this internal lioness feeling come over me envisioning them coming to Plantasia. How was I to give birth when I felt such a strong protective energy guarding us from the ones that were supposed to help?
The first week of launching Plantasia Vibrational Medicine, a woman reached out to me through my website from Sedona, AZ. She was a “midwife” and moving to Berea, KY! Her name was Maryn Green, of Indie Birth, host of the podcast, Taking Back Birth. As we continued to communicate, the urge to ask for her guidance with my birth was unable to be contained. I felt our little “Starling” inside welcoming Maryn as though “Starling” was co-creating this with other helpful guides in the spiritual realm. I now feel beyond blessed, trust, love, and excitement for our birth team.
That’s when the deep emotions surfaced again. Maryn sent me an incredible list of questions for me to go deep within and look at myself for the preparation of this birth. One of the questions was: “What do you believe about your body?” This brought me crashing down emotionally. I felt all of the years of not honoring my body, tending towards depletion rather than nourishment, and ashamed of the abuse by myself and others.
This is when Nasturtium came in and shared her medicine. Awakening my ability to fully heal with my body. My ability to nourish and love my body. That my body fully forgives me as the Earth forgives us. All she asks for is to come back into a loving and sacred relationship. In this way, we may thrive together. The wave of release that occurred from coming together with Nasturtium moved me into a whole new loving relationship with my body. I no longer felt like a monster, but beautiful and empowered within my mama body.
One of the greatest lessons I have learned through my pregnancy was from Rose. She has taught me the necessity of boundaries for creating a beautiful life. I’ve been raised as a people pleaser and have constantly leaked my energy. I didn’t honor myself and my sacred being. Rose taught me that I’m absolutely beautiful and deserve to take care of myself. I deserve to say no when my spirit is saying no. Just because other people want something from me, doesn’t mean I have to do it!!! I never knew this was okay. In order to support this little one coming into this world, I needed to learn how to support, love, honor, and take care of myself first and foremost. For when one is in alignment with the self, and are responsible for their own energy and not the energy of others, they may work through a love vibration. Only giving from a pure heart, not an energy of obligation. Living in this world authentically, one can radiate love instead of bitterness.
Rose has been with me since I first began holding plant spirit meditation circles. She has supported me in launching Plantasia Vibrational Medicine, and teaches me how to be a strong empowered mama. I feel incredibly grateful to learn these lessons and teach them to our little one. She will not have to suffer in the ways I have. She will be taught tools to live an empowered and creative life. As my mission in this life was to cross over the rainbow bridge, her mission, as so many coming into this Earth right now, is to co-create the new world.
As I am heading into the last weeks of my pregnancy, I feel a bit of sadness to be leaving this stage of incredible transition and self transformation. But o’ the anticipation to be meeting her physically soon and look into her eyes for the first time! LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT!!
Sending love, blessings, and gratitude to our ancestors, “landcestors”, plants, spirit guides, angels, elementals, stones, animals, Plantasia, and our human community. Absolute gratitude to walk this path with my incredible partner Astro Phil, an embodiment of the sacred masculine, who nourishes my soul. A man who was divinely guided to me by the plants, planets, ancestors, and our little one. May we walk gracefully into these next coming moons.