Birth and Walking through the Flames

With love and respect, I share the story of my birth experience. I am not the only one who has had these experiences, nor am I the last. I write this article to share in the magic this world may offer us–and how quickly that magic seems to be taken from us. But if we stay internally connected, this divine magic is always there, loving us and guiding us to better align ourselves with our true path.

On November 19th of 2020, I greeted the dawn on my birthday, opening myself up to receive this sun energy. The ground shimmered with rainbows from the sun reflecting off of the morning frost. It was a magical morning. Phil, my love and father of our child, captured a photo of me basking in the sun. It appears as though I am being impregnated with sun energy. There is an orb dancing below my yoni, seeming to announce that a little spirit is about to enter.

And conceive we did! Even though it was an unplanned pregnancy on our part, our baby, aligned with the greater cosmic forces, had this planned for some time now.

Throughout my pregnancy I had a few dreams that the midwives didn’t arrive on time and that the baby popped out of me quickly and easily. But the baby came out small and couldn’t breathe. In a meditation I asked what I needed to do to prepare for the birth. I saw myself and my baby in a hospital (we were planning a home birth), alive and healthy. It was a feeling of complete peace. A separate dream showed this as well. These dreams calmed me, offering a knowing that if we did end up in the hospital, we would recover.

I didn’t worry too much except about the size, for I kept receiving comments on how small my belly was the entire pregnancy. Those last few weeks I ate more protein and calories than I ever have in my life, feeding every hour and a half, as suggested by my lovely birth guide, Maryn Green of Indie Birth.

The Deer repeatedly showed up during the end of this pregnancy, so I went to meet deer energy. They had me feel what it was like to be a vulnerable species on the food chain. They do not live in fear. Instead, they live in a constant state of awareness, being fully present in the moment. If a predator arises, they know what to do, and so they take action. They shared with me that we often fear because we don’t know how we would handle the situation if our fear arose. Deer taught me that if we are present with the moment, we will be gently guided into aligned action.

A day before I went into labor I spent time with Plantasia’s eight-foot purple flowered thistle. Phil had watched this thistle out his office window, feeling very attracted to this plant long before it went into flowering. When she did flower, the hummingbirds and butterflies swarmed around her. I could sense a strong energy luring us to her. So when the day came to speak with her, it felt long overdue. When I asked her what she would like to be called, she replied with “Aurora of the Valley.” I thought that was a nice name. She told me to stay connected with the higher power through the birth so I didn’t fall into fear.

Once at my computer I looked up what the name Aurora meant: revealed; Goddess of the Dawn.

My labor began at 2:40 am Friday morning, August 20th. Astrologically we were predicting that she would be born near this Aquarius Full Moon since it was making such strong aspects to my natal chart. We also knew we were in for the unexpected with Uranus stationing retrograde.

I labored through a whole spectrum of emotions. I mostly felt part here and part not here. I called over my birth team later that afternoon. They gently stood by, cooking and helping me become more comfortable. Mostly I felt at ease in our brand new bathroom, and hung out there through most contractions. At one point, the Goldenrod that voluntarily grew right outside the bathroom window appeared to be waving at me. I felt as though they were offering their support and excitement for the baby coming. Later I realized they may have been trying to get my attention to help my baby.

Evening came and my birth team (who I dearly love and trust) suggested that I eat some food and get some rest, and they’d return later. They informed me that my contractions would slow down and become less intense while I rested. I was surprised to find out they were right! I came in and out of consciousness watching our favorite movie, A Dog’s Purpose, as Phil fed me chicken and corn, which backfired as a contraction came on and I threw it all back up.

We made camp in the living room and I slept for short spells between contractions. Around 4 in the morning, my water broke, and Phil called over our birth support team. I spent the next few hours in a strange sense of consciousness seemingly alone contracting in our bathroom. A moment came where I felt as though I could begin pushing her through my portal. It was different than all other contractions. By the fifth one she shot out completely. Her whole body was all of a sudden in front of me. She was REAL! And she appeared so different than the name we thought we would give her. She was born at 6:58 AM, exactly at dawn! She was AURORA!

This moment was lived with great confusion. It was unbelievable to finally be witnessing her! And my shock multiplied as I learned that an ambulance needed to be called. Even in this state of great concern, I felt as though time had slowed down and sped up all at once and was within a transcendent state of peace.

I was told to give her mouth to mouth. I breathed into my little one, not understanding what was happening. We used an instrument to suck fluids out of her mouth and lungs. Goldenrod was right outside the window, teetering over us, with the ability to expel mucous from the lungs. Could Goldenrod have helped us in this situation? Regardless of Goldenrod’s physical constituents, I believe Goldenrod’s spirit helped keep our daughter alive. Aurora had been so excited to enter into this world, she pooped too early, and this poop, called Meconium, got into her lungs. Also known as Meconium Aspiration, this was a serious concern that could have been fatal.

The EMTs arrived to our back door. They walked into a scene of ancient birth energy: me, a wild woman holding my baby, with wise witchy women surrounding me–a reclamation of birth, but yet my baby and I now needed extra assistance.

Calmly I stood up with my baby in my arms. Someone draped a blanket over my naked body, and I walked barefoot out our front door, down the hill, and into the ambulance. This procession felt like one of the most empowering moments of my life. I had just given birth, but it was hardly over as I walked into the flames.

I held my baby skin-to-skin with me, looking into her black wild eyes, holding an oxygen mask over her face. That moment with her would be all I had to hang onto for the next two weeks. They barreled through the Kentucky hills as I prayed she would keep breathing. We arrived at the hospital, and the next thing I can remember is being in a room without my baby. I don’t remember them taking her away.

My horror continued as my placenta was manually removed in front of attending midwifery students. This caused more pain than the entire laboring and birth experience. I was angry I wasn’t able to birth my placenta. Then I had to advocate to keep my placenta!

In deep exhaustion and hunger, I requested food. They brought me a styrofoam box with tater tots, bacon, a biscuit, and Texas toast. To a woman who had just given birth! How could I trust this system when they don’t even honor basic nutrition and nourishment?

Hours later Aurora was brought up to us in a box of plastic with tubes attached to her. We felt her for a few minutes and then she was transported to the NICU in Lexington, KY. We were meant to stay with her in the hospital. I was separately transported there as well. Upon arrival they gave me a rapid Covid test. Hours later I was informed that I tested positive and must be dispatched from the hospital and quarantine at home. Neither of us were allowed to visit our daughter. I was still in such shock. I held this new information with a great calmness, not even sure I understood what was happening.

Once home we spent the next twelve days in and out of emotional contractions. We were able to watch her on a webcam, but her treatment was traumatic to witness. I agonized over the information stating how important skin to skin was for newborns, and she is only touched by masked strangers wearing latex gloves. My bones ached with my longing for her.

My dear friend and doula suggested the Star of Bethlehem Flower Essence. In late Spring I had noticed this flower popping up abundantly, so I created an essence. Being pregnant at the time, I had worried why this flower was showing. The flower essence is associated with death or immense grief. Now, months later, this flower was there to support us through our grief. Phil and I ritually connected with this essence each night as we said good night to Aurora via a screen. This essence helped us regain strength and trust that she’d be healthy and home soon.

On September 2nd, twelve days later, we were able to rescue her from the hospital. We could finally return her to Plantasia, and show her that in the place she entered, Earth is a living beautiful being, not just machines and machine-like people.

We were witness to the incredible empowerment of birthing at home, and how quickly the medical system took our power away. We were witness to the inability to save her life at home, and the miracles of the hospital. But she is alive, and now we are immersed in the deepest feelings of love continuing our work to reclaim our power and our health.

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